remedy

"with insomnia, you're never really asleep; you're never really awake" -Fight Club

Can i tell you i think im part of the small, actually not so small, population of Americans that suffer from insomnia? I've lost the concept of how to fall asleep... actually it is the concept of the falling-asleep process that began this problem of mine. Until I can find a way to "think of nothing" when trying to sleep, I am going to pile all my thoughts into this blogger thingy.

As of the quote i introduced, it is my duty as a writer to tie it in before I conclude this post. Now, i know as far as mental disorders go, I don't fit into the category of a schizo as the character in Fight Club did. However, i can sense what he meant by his statement. Most of the time when I try to fall asleep I am just lying there with my eyes closed... anticipating a dream. I create scenarios in my head. I create my own dream, but in the time of reality. I fake a world in which i try to convince myself IS a real imagination, to the point that I can almost believe that i AM asleep and already dreaming. With such a crossed state of reality and dream, with time passing by at a pace too slow to equate that of the unconscious realm, but too fast to feel the ticking of each second eat your solitude away, a new level of the conscious emerges -the surreal. In this surreal state, you're neither asleep nor awake. Even when you are truly awake, it becomes easy to question if the present is actually reality or not. A sense of control is lost, as if everything around you seems rigged. It all seems like a dream. After visiting the land of surreal for so long, the conscious can be easily confused with the typical feeling of having to imagine what you see. Walking across the bridge to class could easily be you imagining that very same thing when trying to fall asleep. It has not reached, however, the point that all 3 levels of dream, surreal, and reality are meshed into one. For now, they co-exist.